Why I Hate Cyclists

Ok, maybe ‘hate’ isn't exactly the right word.  This blog might be a bit controversial, and not surprisingly given that I am a cyclist myself, but hear me out.

My motto has become “two wheels are better”, and I genuinely believe that life is more fun when on two wheels.  Plus there are all the environmental and economic benefits that come with getting more bums on bikes, but that’s the boring stuff.  Riding a bike is just fun!  But this increase in popularity comes with consequences, and this is where I have a bit of the old inner turmoil going on.

It’s been said for a few years now that “cycling is the new golf”, actually I’m pretty sure that I coined the phrase myself over a post-ride brew with mates – can I claim royalties for that??   Cycling as an activity has clearly gained hugely in popularity since LA brought the Tour de France into the living rooms of Australians at ungodly hours, many for the first time.  Despite us copping the abuse of bogan’s far and wide, cyclists aren’t going anywhere either, figuratively speaking of course.   Literally speaking we are going everywhere, and in increasing numbers.

Old Willunga Hill at 2015 TDU Stage 5

I’ve just spent the last week in Adelaide, aka ‘Radelaide’, during the Tour Down Under, enjoying the racing and the great riding that South Australia has to offer.  Not unexpectedly, I was not the only cyclist in attendance, and it was great to see so many people enjoying the sport that I have grown to love over the years.  Apparently at Saturday’s stage there was around 120,000 spectators on Old Willunga Hill, and the atmosphere was simply awesome.  However I’m becoming a bit worried that the sport of cycling is starting to become uncool like the sport of Triathlon did.  Before the triathletes get upset, It’s ok, I’m allowed to say this because I used to be a triathlete myself.  I know, shocking.  I hope you were sitting down.  Back in my day, triathlon was cool, man.  Then somewhere along the line, everybody seemed to be doing a triathlon, and every race had turned into a mass participation event.  Fortunately by then I had become sick of swimming five times a week to try and improve my 50m time by 0.5 of a second, and had migrated over to the one true discipline of cycling.  Am I wearing rose coloured glasses?  Am I being a snob?  Could it have been that I actually wasn’t that cool after all?  Perhaps.

Nah fuck that I was cool as shit.

So back to cycling.  Cycling as a sport was historically a Euro-centric activity, steeped in tradition, culture and lingo.  As we all know in Straya, anything Euro is just cool.  Clothes, cars, architecture, food, music: the Europeans have got their shit together.  Euro sport is cool too, which meant that cycling was also cool.

COOL

NOT COOL

If you are the type of cyclist (like me), who shaves his legs, wears lycra and rides an expensive carbon fibre bike, you have most likely heard of The Rules.  The Rules are a tongue in check list of well, rules for doing cycling right.  Now to be honest I’m not a big fan of The Rules, but have been riding bikes for long enough to have a list of stuff that, in my mind, is stuff you just shouldn’t do.  Some of these things are about how you look, and some of these things are about how you act and how you interact.  When you do something for long enough you don’t need a list of do’s and don’ts to refer to, you know them through experience.  While at the Tour Down Under I saw many rule infringements.

I think this is what I am getting at.  As cycling has become more and more popular in Australia, and has become more of a mass participation activity, the number of cyclists that don’t realise/recognise The Rules (for want of a better definition) has also increased significantly.  I’m sometimes embarrassed by how cyclists here look, act and interact.  Is it any wonder that fluro-vested tradies mock us, when we clip-clop around in clown shoes with sweat dripping everywhere and lycra bulges that most of us would really prefer not to see?  I mock us!  How can we expect Shaneoo on his way to work in his ute to not do the same?

I’ve said sometimes that I wish golf was still the new golf and cycling wasn’t as popular as it is now, but of course I don’t really mean it.  Despite the consequences, I still like seeing more cyclists on our roads.  It sure beats having more cars.  I don’t hate cyclists, but sometimes I do cringe a bit. 

Maybe I'm just a wanker.

People are Strange

Being the G20 weekend in Brisbane, this morning I decided to opt for the moto over the pushie

and headed for Mt Glorious.  The streets were nice and quiet due to the mass exodus to the Gold and Sunshine coasts, and it was a perfect morning for a ride on two wheels, with plenty of both motorbikes and pushies out on the mountain.

I decided to pull in at the cafe in Mount Glorious village for a coffee, and ended up sharing a table with an older guy wearing a Triumph t-shirt.  He was friendly and we had a good chat about all sorts of stuff, sharing a common understanding of motorbikes, but all sorts of topics came up.  He chatted about his retirement, road trips he had done, his family, the G20; it was a very easy and enjoyable conversation.

I mentioned that I had noticed since my return to motorbikes that there didn't seem to be too many younger riders in the 20's these days.  Triumph t-shirt agreed, and started talking about how he had noticed that some of the camaraderie that he loved about motorcycling had reduced, with less riders inclined to give 'the nod' or 'the wave' as they rode past.  His theory was that there had been a reduction in the passing on of knowledge, which included the etiquette.  I thought this interesting, and made some comparisons in my own head to cycling.  I've heard plenty of talk over the last few years about the explosion in popularity of cycling, but often without the equivalent knowledge passed from senior to novice riders.  I think there is some sense to this, and suspect that it is part of the much broader debate into cycling on our roads.  Knowledge of how to ride on a shared road is very important, both from a safety point of view and respectfulness for other road users.  This knowledge will come from two main sources, the riders own experiences gained over time, and the passing of knowledge from more experienced riders.

This was all ticking away in the back of my head as Triumph t-shirt shared his thoughts, and at

this point I thought I would try a little experiment.  I mentioned to him that I was also a cyclist, and noticed similarities between the two groups of road users.  The moment I said the word "cyclist" I could immediately see his facial expression change.  I may as well have said I was an Islamic State terrorist.

There wasn't much more conversation after that, and he left me to finish my coffee alone soon after.  

It was an interesting experiment.  I find that people love to compartmentalise other people into boxes with labels, I guess it is how are brains are wired and helps understand the world around us.  However I have found that our brains are very easily challenged when those labels overlap, eg. "are you an Australian or a Muslim?", you can't be both!  In this instance I was both a cyclist and a motorcyclist, and when this was realised I had quickly gone from a guy Triumph t-shirt could have an easy chat with, to something else that wasn't so comfortable.

Hopefully overall when he left the table the outcome was a positive one, and perhaps he will be less likely to instinctually negatively label the next cyclist he comes across.

We are all people, but we sure are a strange bunch.

The Brew Shop

A few days ago I wrote about a recent trip to Spain, and mentioned one of the few things that was not ideal about the place was the sub-par coffee.  Friends who have travelled say it's a similar story in most other parts of Europe, and my time in the States has convinced me things are not much better there.  Indeed our coffee and expertise has become so sought after that Aussie baristas are now shipping OS to set up 'Australian Cafe's' to teach the way of the Bean to our international neighbours.

I wonder why this is so, but more importantly I wonder where cyclists go after a ride to chew the fat?  The "Brew Ride" in Australia is an institution, the ride is just the excuse for the coffee reward at the end.  I even know of cyclists who don't even drink coffee (you are shocked, but believe me they do exist - below is a rare photo of one caught outside) and they still show up for a Brew Ride and sit around at the Brew Shop afterwards!  

First known sighting of a non-coffee drinker

Much good can come out of said visit to said Brew Shop after said Brew Ride.  Cycling is a great leveller, on any given bunchie you could find doctors, engineers, CEO's, students, the old and the not-so-old, entrepreneurs, the list goes on. While the demographic can be varied on the ride, it's not always so easy to mingle about and talk to everyone, which is where the post-ride coffee comes in!  For centuries people have gotten together around a fire over some food and drink to have a laugh, come to agreements, strike deals and life long friendships.  The flat white is just the modern version of the caveman's sabre tooth tiger.  Or something.  You get the gist anyway.

So what do our Euro counterparts do?  When I finished a ride with my mate in Spain I expected we would sit around and some uber-Euro cafe in some little town square for hours in our lycra, discussing poetry, philosophy and current political issues.  Just like I do here.  But no!  Instead we just buggered off home. When I asked "¿Por qué?" (Google it), my mate just said it wasn't the done thing and we would be looked at weirdly by the locals, and mocked by the pretty young ladies who frequent the area. I get enough of that at home, I don't need it when I'm on holiday! So we didn't sit around drinking coffee, instead we had a lonely Nespresso back at his apartment. No conversation about Wittgenstein was had. No international peace treaties were signed.  No solutions for intergalactic travel were invented.

So I end today's blog with a question for you, the reader.  Where do all the Euro cyclists go??

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