Why I Hate Cyclists

Ok, maybe ‘hate’ isn't exactly the right word.  This blog might be a bit controversial, and not surprisingly given that I am a cyclist myself, but hear me out.

My motto has become “two wheels are better”, and I genuinely believe that life is more fun when on two wheels.  Plus there are all the environmental and economic benefits that come with getting more bums on bikes, but that’s the boring stuff.  Riding a bike is just fun!  But this increase in popularity comes with consequences, and this is where I have a bit of the old inner turmoil going on.

It’s been said for a few years now that “cycling is the new golf”, actually I’m pretty sure that I coined the phrase myself over a post-ride brew with mates – can I claim royalties for that??   Cycling as an activity has clearly gained hugely in popularity since LA brought the Tour de France into the living rooms of Australians at ungodly hours, many for the first time.  Despite us copping the abuse of bogan’s far and wide, cyclists aren’t going anywhere either, figuratively speaking of course.   Literally speaking we are going everywhere, and in increasing numbers.

Old Willunga Hill at 2015 TDU Stage 5

I’ve just spent the last week in Adelaide, aka ‘Radelaide’, during the Tour Down Under, enjoying the racing and the great riding that South Australia has to offer.  Not unexpectedly, I was not the only cyclist in attendance, and it was great to see so many people enjoying the sport that I have grown to love over the years.  Apparently at Saturday’s stage there was around 120,000 spectators on Old Willunga Hill, and the atmosphere was simply awesome.  However I’m becoming a bit worried that the sport of cycling is starting to become uncool like the sport of Triathlon did.  Before the triathletes get upset, It’s ok, I’m allowed to say this because I used to be a triathlete myself.  I know, shocking.  I hope you were sitting down.  Back in my day, triathlon was cool, man.  Then somewhere along the line, everybody seemed to be doing a triathlon, and every race had turned into a mass participation event.  Fortunately by then I had become sick of swimming five times a week to try and improve my 50m time by 0.5 of a second, and had migrated over to the one true discipline of cycling.  Am I wearing rose coloured glasses?  Am I being a snob?  Could it have been that I actually wasn’t that cool after all?  Perhaps.

Nah fuck that I was cool as shit.

So back to cycling.  Cycling as a sport was historically a Euro-centric activity, steeped in tradition, culture and lingo.  As we all know in Straya, anything Euro is just cool.  Clothes, cars, architecture, food, music: the Europeans have got their shit together.  Euro sport is cool too, which meant that cycling was also cool.

COOL

NOT COOL

If you are the type of cyclist (like me), who shaves his legs, wears lycra and rides an expensive carbon fibre bike, you have most likely heard of The Rules.  The Rules are a tongue in check list of well, rules for doing cycling right.  Now to be honest I’m not a big fan of The Rules, but have been riding bikes for long enough to have a list of stuff that, in my mind, is stuff you just shouldn’t do.  Some of these things are about how you look, and some of these things are about how you act and how you interact.  When you do something for long enough you don’t need a list of do’s and don’ts to refer to, you know them through experience.  While at the Tour Down Under I saw many rule infringements.

I think this is what I am getting at.  As cycling has become more and more popular in Australia, and has become more of a mass participation activity, the number of cyclists that don’t realise/recognise The Rules (for want of a better definition) has also increased significantly.  I’m sometimes embarrassed by how cyclists here look, act and interact.  Is it any wonder that fluro-vested tradies mock us, when we clip-clop around in clown shoes with sweat dripping everywhere and lycra bulges that most of us would really prefer not to see?  I mock us!  How can we expect Shaneoo on his way to work in his ute to not do the same?

I’ve said sometimes that I wish golf was still the new golf and cycling wasn’t as popular as it is now, but of course I don’t really mean it.  Despite the consequences, I still like seeing more cyclists on our roads.  It sure beats having more cars.  I don’t hate cyclists, but sometimes I do cringe a bit. 

Maybe I'm just a wanker.